Trauma

Apprenticeship Program Forum 1 reply 21 views

I thought I would share a bit on what I believed helped the big shift during the healing by Carol the other day as it was profound for me and may help some of you. Aspects of the trauma definitely released as healing energy shot down from my God Spot through the lower Chakras to the 10th Chakra with power.

Firstly, I would like to thank Carol for providing healing and everyone supporting the other day. My legs are flowing with energy and up through my being. I also feel grounded since... who knows when.

High level:

Traumatic early childhood lacking unconditional love and emotional support from my parents, compounded by living in a foreign country from 3 to 6. Sense of powerlessness, unsafe, and a belief "I am the problem."  I abondonded the self, trying to fill voids through appeasing and finding validation through others.

It caught up to me at 18, when severe anxiety surfaced and gave way to severe depression. Over the next twelve years I was in varying states of being I wish upon no one. I lacked a sense of self, the skills to truly connect with others, and the skills/awareness to manage my own emotions. I started searching inward after reading a book by Thich Nhat Hanh. I knew the answer was within and spiritual awakening in Dec 2020. Depression and anxiety subsided with an expanded view of reality. 

Since My Initial Awakening:

I cannot believe how much I have healed and grown in such a short time. I am grateful. It did slow when I bumped up against my core Trauma, where memory and feeling remain hidden. With help, I saw it was best to accept what is and my intention to address it was the best thing to do. Trusting it would unfold and manifest healing when I was ready. 

In mid February, I had a realization that a large part of my destructive behavior patterns / loops were rooted in perfectionism. I made headway via Meditation, energy healing, and help from others. led to a sense of what I felt in my earliest memories. Shame and feeling unsafe were two I hadn't realized before. 

Many layers hid the various behaviors my being employed aiming to please others to find validation while avoiding vulnerability to feel "love." Much was revealed when I realized the behaviors reinforce themselves. They are the cause and effect. Continually creating an illusion that reinforces the behavior. For example, thinking "I don't have enough time," for a project leads to stress, fear, etc. That requires energy to manage and lesd energy for the project creating an illusion of not having time.

Seeing these behavior loops was overwhelming and I felt stuck, unable to find my way out of these loops. It increased the friction in "a battle within" to allow my authentic self just be.

Day of Healing:

Through my self-work I became aware of the feelings and the energetic pathways they took. I also had done energybwork on myself earlier with the Kanda (low back) related to stress response, safety, and vulnerability. Then I had a visible pulsation in the Sacral Chakra area for a bit. Little did I know but I believe this set things up for the Q&A session. 

Carol was noting the right things (chat messages helped too) and it was clear where my being resisted. I came from the God saying to myself, "I love you, you are lovable, you are whole, you are safe, this is very vulnerable and there is nothing wrong that. Authenticity is the natural state of being." Then the magick happened in a flash. Aspects of the Trauma definitely released as healing energy shot down from my God Spot through the lower Chakras to the 10th Chakra with authority. It was absolutely beautiful. Thank you all ✌️💖🕉️

One Takeaway: Recognition of your own limits and when to seek help is wisdom and understanding. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to fully receive the help you seek takes strength and courage.